Forgiveness is not the only way to find absolution

Relationships can be infuriating, especially after leaving an ex. I decided to talk to my ex two nights ago and she talks to me like she still loves me, but before I knew it she's playing around with every guy I knew. I believe in forgiving people for their mistakes and moving on with life, but forgiveness is an unreasonable emotion to apply at times. Parents must forgive people who've murdered their children, girlfriends ask boyfriends to forgive them after cheating on them and friends plea after betrayal. It's sickening. I understand the importance of gaining absolution through forgiveness, but I've got a beast inside of me that at times doesn't want to forgive. I understand I was making a wrong choice to try to talk to her again, after having a rough break-up, but we learn from our mistakes. Lesson learnt. The problem is I'm going to obsess over her actions with other guys for a while and I don't want that stress. Like I said before desire can be disastrous emotion, but than again I think I'm taking this way to seriously. It seems like I'm letting such a small problem dominate my day and even worse, use up the valuable time I could be living my life in happiness. Well than I don't need forgiveness, but what I do need is something to let out anger. This blog is good for that. Tthe idea I've got out of this is that forgiveness isn't always absolution, but we all need someone or something to loosen the leach around the beast within and just speak our heart. Cause speaking your heart, is a whole lot better than masking your pain with an emotion like forgiveness. The important thing is to move on and not to hold grudges. The way I look at my situation is that she is entitled to do her own thing and likewise with myself. I know my purpose and have to work towards it and when she understands hers than she will work towards hers.

Paper is valuable?

It seems that one of the things people cherish is an award, whether it be a piece of paper with your name on it or a metal trophy its all the same. Awards are what people work for, the push behind the stride to strive and the smile after the results, but I think people have it all wrong. I used to be like that until recently, I measured my success, my blessings, even my worth through how many awards I had compared to competitors. It has only been a few months since I've had this amazing change in the way I look at things. I started realizing that awards, trophies and recognition was all decorations of life, that are fake and misleading ways to motivate you to do something in this world. What does a paper represent? It only represents successful results. However, how can a paper express how hard you worked? Or the sacrifices you made? The mental distress after a failure? The point is, it can't. Don't let your life be captivated by the desire for an award. This doesn't mean don't aim for success, 'cause that's the polar opposite of my point. What I'm trying to say is constantly aim for success, but do it for the right reasons. Don't aim for the award, the glory, the recognition, but aim for bettering yourself and using your success to bring success for others. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter if your the smartest student in your school, because if your not going to educate others with your knowledge than your skill dies with you and that means you wasted an opportunity for someone else to be a greater person. Don't let a piece of paper mean that much to you, cause it doesn't prove anything to yourself, it only shows you the outcome and makes you forget about the work. It's always about the work, just 'cause you got your name on a piece paper that should not be a source of happiness, the true happiness comes from the fact that you pushed and persevered after ever fall and fail. My challenge to you all is to succeed in 3 things in the next 2 years and don't have the award on your mind, but try to enjoy the work behind it and when you get the award, don't show it off. Place it somewhere where no one including you will have to see it everyday, so as to not cause a sense of arrogant pride for yourself. An award often gives people a sense of completion, but you should never stop aiming for more. Never.

Desire the worst enemy and greatest friend

Desire is the human races worst enemy and greatest friend. Simple statement, complicated problem. It's crazy how desire can be the only thing that creates motivation and inspiration to do something with your life. It's the element that makes creating and reaching goals come alive. It's the reason people want to live, the desire to live, to be great, to win etc is more vital than a brain and a heart. Without desire you just become a body with a soul, but your empty, your lifeless. That's what a zombie is, a body with no desire. However, desire is the very thing that causes mass destruction, war, sexual and physical actions that are not necessarily moral. The very emotion that is blamed for bloodshed, loss of life, loss of houses, animal and human mistreatment. The cause for competition between countries for most resources, oil, intelligence and money. So what should desire be considered? A friend or foe? Unfortunately, that's the wrong question. It's not a matter of it being friend or foe, but the central issue is how can it be controlled? That very question is the thing that troubles my mind the most. Nothing would be out of my reach, nothing to stop me, nothing to get in your way either if you and I were to learn how to control such an emotion. Desire is scarier than anger, depression and love cause desire is at the centre of all of them. We are the hosts and desire is the parasite, but like a parasite we can control it. To do that you must find what desire is greater than desire itself for you as an individual? Because to beat desire you must find a desire more powerful than the one that stands in your own way. Fight fire with fire. Pleasing god and achieving my one and only personal goal in life is my greater desire. Though I've been able to control most of my greatest desires, one remains standing in my way. My greatest weakness is the lady. It's funny huh? My objective in life, is in my belief, the very thing that will conquer all  other accomplishments, yet a simple female population stands in my way.... You might have thought that my greatest weakness would be something greater? But things like glory and fame and power are the things I control the best. However, I have no shame in admitting my true weakness. Actually I love it and hate at the same time. I hate because it is such a strong opponent  that I'm going to need to strengthen my self beyond anything I've ever thought I was capable of doing. For that reason I also love it, because this very desire is the thing that will make me internally unreachable in potential. THIS IS WHERE I WANT TO CATCH YOUR ATTENTION. USE DEISRE TO MAKE YOURSELF STRONGER. What is better than the only thing in this world that can be your greatest enemy and friend? Because enemies and friends make you stronger, but this is your greatest enemy and friend. Therefore, it's the greatest element to make you internally unreachable in potential. Here is my ultimate challenge: Take a lifetime to control your desire, become the master of your self. How will you know that you've accomplished this challenge? That's easy, you will feel unreachable in potential. You won't know what that feels like till you get it, but when you do, you will. It will be the greatest feeling you have ever felt, the only emotion stronger than desire and only reachable when desire is completely controlled. 


p.s. Don't mistake controlling with eliminating! You must allow your positive desires to flourish to heavenly levels, but control your negatives in way that they shall sink to a hellish vault. 


Relevant quotes:

“Passion, it lies in all of us, sleeping... waiting... and though unwanted... unbidden... it will stir... open its jaws and howl. It speaks to us... guides us... passion rules us all, and we obey. What other choice do we have? Passion is the source of our finest moments. The joy of love... the clarity of hatred... and the ecstasy of grief. It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion maybe we'd know some kind of peace... but we would be hollow... Empty rooms shuttered and dank. Without passion we'd be truly dead.”

You will become as small as your controlling desire; as great as your dominant aspiration.